ipn/ipnlocal,ssh/tailssh: reject c2n /update if SSH conns are active (#11820)

Since we already track active SSH connections, it's not hard to
proactively reject updates until those finish. We attempt to do the same
on the control side, but the detection latency for new connections is in
the minutes, which is not fast enough for common short sessions.

Handle a `force=true` query parameter to override this behavior, so that
control can still trigger an update on a server where some long-running
abandoned SSH session is open.

Updates https://github.com/tailscale/corp/issues/18556

Signed-off-by: Andrew Lytvynov <awly@tailscale.com>

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